


Dear Cas,

by MakennaSweets1967



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Dean Winchester, I Made Myself Cry, Letters, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28649862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakennaSweets1967/pseuds/MakennaSweets1967
Summary: A year worth of letters written on paper scraps for an angel who is gone. Or letter’s Dean wrote to Cas after he... Yeah.Each chapter will be a new letter.Picks up from 15x18. I'm ignoring 15x19 kinda and 15x20 cause screw the writers.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't been proofread so call me out on errors if you see fit. I apologize in advance. I cried while writing this thinking about Dean. Read it to the end please you won't regret it - I hope.

**November 6, 2020**

_Dear Cas,_

_Why? ~~You son of a bitch.~~ You left us, you left Sam, you left Jack, ~~You left me.~~ ~~You damn coward.~~ How could you do this to me? ~~How could you acknowledge this thing between us and then…. You selfish son of a bitch. I hate you. I fucking hate you. I never got to say…~~_

_Dean_


	2. Chapter 2

**November 12, 2020**

_Dear Cas,_

_Sam says I should talk about it, but you ~~know~~ knew me. I keep everything inside push it down until my head is bobbing just above the water. ~~Everyone is gone~~. I found a dog, named him Miracle. He was the only thing left after Chuck… You were right the bunker was one species to short. Last night I held him so tight I thought he might run, but he didn’t. He didn’t leave me like everyone else ~~like you~~. Something about it made me feel better for a moment, I don’t know. Yeah…_

_Dean_


	3. Chapter 3

**November 19, 2020**

_Dear Cas,_

_I’m still mad. How could you be so selfish, and selfless? It’s just us now, me and Sam. Chuck – God is gone now, Jack took over. Everyone is back because of him, ~~Except you~~. He took off after that. Something about fixing everything the universes, and the world. Somehow he feels responsible for Chuck’s mess, I guess he does take after us. I think he will be a better God, he had a good father to teach him. He still needs you – we all do…_

_Dean_


	4. Chapter 4

**December 5, 2020**

_Dear Cas,_

_Shit it’s the first month without – I have a bottle of whiskey. Dropped off Miracle with Sam and Eileen for today. Last hunt nearly killed me, and you know what I just laughed. A nail to the gut and the first thought that came to me, ‘Help Cas’, but where were you? ~~Gone.~~ And I just laughed because what else could I do.Almost died from a monster of the week how shitty would that have been. Not even 2 weeks after you save me. Ha. I drink mostly all bottle now. Van’t reely see the papper Everthins cold in bunker, without tou, empty. Ironic…_

_Dean_


	5. Chapter 5

**February 5, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_It has been three months since… you. Yeah. Two since I last wrote you. Sam is with Eileen now, moved out of the bunker with her. He is finally getting the apple pie life he’s always wanted. Finishing his law degree; ironic considering he has to go by a new identity - Sawyer Wilkson I think it is. I am happy for him. He is worried for me, all alone here in the bunker. Surrounded by ghosts that aren’t even here, I couldn’t leave now though. There’s nothing left from you this time, but there is something in the corners of this places that are you. A thread from you trench coat, that stupid bee mug you made me get you after that one hunt. ~~Fuck. Everything hurts without you…~~_

_Dean_


	6. Chapter 6

**February 14, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_~~Bee mine.~~ Miracle says hi, I’m sure Sam - Sawyer would if he knew I wrote you. I broke down last night told him the truth about what happened that night. He helped me hang the coat, I can’t bring myself to wash it. Anyways I hope Jack will come home soon, it’s lonely here. I still go on hunts, simple ones, no need for Sam, just me and Miracle. Also I planted a garden outside, full of orchid flowers. I think you would have liked it…_

_Dean_


	7. Chapter 7

**February 24, 2021**

_Dear Castiel,_

_I saw Claire yesterday. Saw all the wayward girls, Jody and Donna. They finally admitted they are together. We called that one. Claire called me old and it just occurred to me, I missed my birthday last month. I’m 42 now. God I am old. I didn’t ever think I’d make it to 30 thought I’d go down swinging early. Claire says misses you, told me that she forgives you and wishes she got to tell you. She told me wishes she got to tell you a lot of things. ~~That makes two of us.~~ Anyway…_

_Dean_


	8. Chapter 8

**March 5, 2021**

_Dear Castiel,_

_I saw a bee out in the garden I planted outside the bunker. It reminded me of you. The fuzzy black and yellow coloration, mesmerized me, I guess I finally understand why you liked them so much. I followed it for almost an hour. Till I found myself lost in the woods behind the bunker tears still stuck in my eyes. Luckily I had my phones GPS; which is a navigation device by the way, we can’t all have angelic direction. I miss you…_

_Dean_


	9. Chapter 9

**March 8, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_People say time makes things easier, but I think that’s bull. If anything, things are harder with time; people forget that you hurt. So, I quit, hunting that is. I’m far too old, so ‘I think I’m entitled’ ;). I’m working at a garage in town, just part-time enough to get me and Miracle food, burgers mostly. Also took over for Garth as the new Bobby, he has the twins to care for. I don’t think anyone ever told you he named one of them after you. It may be one of the only things that make me smile anymore. At first I thought I’d hate being the new Bobby but now I understand why Bobby liked it. Not much time to think…_

_Dean_


	10. Chapter 10

**April 5 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_Sammy took me to see the grave he had made for you. Sorry about the shattered beer bottle around your stone, and the tears. I think I’ll bring you some flowers from the garden next time I visit. Do you like chrysanthemums, or perhaps Dahila’s? Maybe it will attract some bees. I think you’d like that too…_

_Dean_


	11. Chapter 11

**July 4, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_Today I finally went to visit Sam and Eileen or Sawyer and Eileen Wilkson as they are called. The house is beautiful, perfect for them, everything I could have hoped for, for Sammy. Guess what Cas, I’m getting a kid named after me. Maybe it’s because they already know a piece of me is dead…_

_Dean_


	12. Chapter 12

**September 23, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s too much. I went to the place I last saw you and… Remember that night, it’s forever burned in my mind. I don’t know how long I sat where you threw me. The phone ringing but I couldn’t even hear it. I just stared at the bricks. It’s funny because I felt so numb and all I could think is how that one brick, was far more red than the others. My eyes are aching, my throat is raw. Everything hurts, not even the alcohol helps anymore. I - we were so damn stupid…_

_Dean_


	13. Chapter 13

**October 29, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_I’m trying to live a better life for you. A happier life. Trying to remember the way in which you saw me. I will try to live my life to the fullest, not just for me but for you too. The life you would have wanted for us. Without the constant pain, mourning and isolation. And maybe one day after a long happy enough life I’ll find you. Maybe one of the reapers will make good on Billies promise to accidentally chuck me into the empty. At least ill be with you… But First I have to get this all out. I am sorry Cas. I am sorry for all the things I never said. I am sorry for standing there. For not saying anything. You died without anyone ever telling you they loved you. I loved you. I loved you so god damn much. Goodbye…_

_Love, Dean_


	14. Chapter 14

**November 4, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_I told myself I wouldn’t write to you anymore. That the last one would be the last ever it’s not like you’ll ever read them. Some part of me just had to be done because you were it for me. But Jack is home. Our son is home. He told me that the worlds are fixed, what Chuck has done has been reversed, and things are back in their places. From what I gather, the only thing wrong is heaven. The bunker is going to be full. Sam, Eileen, Jody, Donna, Claire, Alex, Patience, and even Kaia. Jack called them all here - I forgot what it was like to have the bunker full – he won’t tell me why. But everyone is going to be here. Yet there is still a hole. A hole for you…_

_Love, Dean_


	15. Chapter 15

**November 5, 2021**

_Dear Cas,_

_It has been a year. I woke up this morning and I was in pieces when I remembered what day it is. But then everyone got here, and Jack said something that… I have a hope that I don’t think I have ever felt before. Telling us how he fixed the balance, between hell, heaven, Purgatory, and… the empty. And then he told us why he called everyone to the bunker. He said we might get you back…_

_Love, Dean_

* * *

“Cas?”

“Hello Dean”

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? I don't know where this came from I just opened my computer and started typing.


End file.
